The Twitter Match Reports

ARS 2-0 WBA. Prank call DJs “probably to blame,” yelps Moral Majority as lynch mob seeks tenuous link between Cazorla dive & Aussie monsters.

 

AV 0–0 STO. Livid Lambo labels latest lodgement “libellous” as new lead leads lawmen to look for lost Bent carcass under Villa Laird’s lawn.

 

SOU 1–0 REA. Chancellor deems Battle of the Bottom Feeders “not worth the bother” as smirking twat feeds “unnecessary fixture” to the hounds.

 

SUN 1–3 CHE. Adorable ref-threatening vermin rewarded for slander with good reason to keep hateful Nigerian liability off teamsheet for a bit.

 

SWA 3–4 NOR. Transfer speculation ends as truncated Spanish epithet nails feet to the floor, penis to his face & a donkey to nearest church door.

 

WIG 2–2 QPR. Gammon-faced grinch “not a fan of xmas,” presumably preferring his gifts delivered in January, wrapped in a brown paper bag.

 

MNC 2–3 MNU. Formida-ball incredi-duel sees Megachester gladia-teams soccer-knock us insensi-bell in dong-filled death knell for all mankind.

 

EVE 2–1 TOT. Moyes slams UEFA ‘leper quota’. “Two words: Tony Hibbert. Last thing I need is another player who’s not sure where his arse is.”

 

WHU 2–3 LIV. Toothless Reds bite back despite Suarez absence as cannibalistic malocclusion takes 1st prize in Julius Kelp lookalike contest.


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