The Surreal Football Emails Vol. 1
I’d like to get something sorted for the second magazine by the end of the year. Everyone up for doing something? It would require a submission by 14 December.
Let me know and we can get something sorted.
I’d been sending back ‘unsubscribe’ until I noticed that these emails weren’t automatic - Christ, you’re actually sending all this shit out yourself. My answer is no, I don’t want to do anything for a second Surreal Football Magazine or anything to do with with a second Surreal Football magazine. The idea appals me. And I told you that in person three weeks ago that I’m not happy having my name associated with it.
Just fuck off and give up, please. We’re both fucking sick of this. See you at yours later for beans on toast. Don’t give me any fish fingers, I told you I won’t eat fish.
You clearly are forgetting the times I’ve helped you over the last year, and are paying me back with laziness and insults. Have you forgotten the time(s) that I taught you how to read and write? I wasn’t doing it for my own pleasure, that’s for sure.
Don’t get me wrong: to insult Callum is fine by me. I haven’t heard from him in over a week and I’m secretly hoping that he’s dead in a ditch. I’ve spent too long hoping for this and will be truly disappointed if it turns out he’s still breathing.
Yes, this ebook will be much, much worse than last year. If anything, the ebook last summer will end up looking like a professional product given the amount of effort we’re going to put into this one. I was considering just changing the dates on the last one and rereleasing it - it would be less insulting to the audience. But like you say, you’re not leaving the house these days and my writing career is at best stunted, and in reality stillborn. I have nowhere else that will have me but my own ebook, and I’m not even that convinced by the quality of the work I can deliver. I’ve got suspicions that I’m a real chancer, if I’m honest.
I suppose you’re right that there’s no market for the book. We’ve more or less closed down the site, we don’t really tweet from the account anymore, and all we use it for is to plug our work elsewhere. Work, I note, that is a husk of the kind of work we used to produce. Most of it is borderline serious analysis that we’re churning out to support our reckless spending on meat and booze (me), stuffed toys (you), and living in Corby (Callum). We’re completely finished in terms of producing work that deserves any kind of respect - the ebook is another way of bleeding try the arseholes that still think we’re doing something entertaining. They deserve our contempt. Let’s just bury our mutual hatred for a couple of days for one last tiny payday.
If you’re going to use the weekly baked bean evening as a way to hold me to ransom over the ebook, then you’re seriously misguided. I refuse to indulge you with the more expensive beans, because whenever I come to your house you only provide me with the cheapest beans, and give me half a slice - at most - of toast. With no butter. 6pm?
I’ll take that as a yes.