Surreal Football

In this episode, Carlitos catches a bad case of transfer madness.

SPOILER ALERT: We think he’s great.

Yo women, they the best.

Ha ha, suckers!

Just fucking click through, all right? You won’t regret it. (You might regret it. Fuck you anyway.)

“The list could surely go on, and there is nothing more wonderful than a list, instrument of wondrous hypotyposis.”

We like to imagine the universe as something whole, complete, perfect. Composed of complementary binaries, we take comfort in its beautiful symmetry. Light and dark, up and down, good and bad, this and that. Every yin has its yang, every beginning its end, every proton its electron, every action its equal and opposite reaction. The universe ablaze in celestial harmony, everything in its right place. Even you—ugly, stupid, selfish, mean, irredeemable little you—your soul mate is out there, somewhere, waiting for you.

It’s all lies, of course. The binaries are false. Symmetry is a mirage, wholeness a fantasy, perfection a sad delusion. There is no celestial harmony, no right place. No soul mate. There is only chaos, violence, and emptiness. “The universe,” Don Draper said, “is indifferent.”

But it’s nice to pretend. Here, let’s pretend together:

A while back Surreal Football published a list called 30 Reasons Why I Hate Manchester City. For fun and to be contrarian, I submitted my own list of 30 Reasons to Love Manchester City, which they graciously published despite being 2/3 United supporters, probably as a favor to me since I run their super awesome tumblr. In the comments of my list, manutd24 demanded I make a list for United, and with 31 reasons. And there is nothing more wonderful than a list, instrument of wondrous hypotyposis, so I gladly oblige here.